Saturday Night Live – Crucible Cast Party lyrics

(feat. Vanessa Bayer, Melissa Villaseñor, Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon & Lin-Manuel Miranda)

[Aidy Bryant]
But witchcraft be a wicked thing, John Proctor.

[Kyle Mooney]
He cannot hide his sins anymore.

[Kate McKinnon]
He hath his goodness now. I shall not take it from him.

[All]
God rest his soul.

[Kate McKinnon]
Oh hey, we just finished our high school performance of The Crucible.

[Aidy Bryant]
And we didn’t mess up at all.

[Cecily Strong]
So now it’s time to get nasty at the horniest event in town.

[Melissa Villaseñor]
That’s right: it’s the cast party.

[Vanessa Bayer]
This year, it’s at Cody Shuck’s house.


[Kate McKinnon]
And we’re gonna rip it up all night. Until 11:45.

[Cecily Strong]
Gonna hit the party like I just hit all my cues
Making eyes at guys as tan as my character shoes

[Vanessa Bayer]
My parents gave me a bouquet
But tonight I need my hands free

[Melissa Villaseñor]
I’m the baddest bitch in sight
Who played a witch tonight

[Kate McKinnon]
I see Zachary Marchelli, gonna help him get it up
Hope he likes a sexy teen in old age makeup
Gonna hit him with some moves, the most risqué I know
It’s the choreography from Chicago

[Aidy Bryant]
All around the room, every boy wants me
Which one will I choose, every boy wants a piece
At the

[Lin-Manuel-Miranda]
Crucible Cast Party
Crucible Cast Party
25 virgins and a lot of Sprite at the
Crucible Cast Party

[Girls]
Waah!

[Vanessa Bayer]
Got my eye on Alex Bard, wanna bone but I don’t know how
So I’m gonna steal his hat from him and just sort of walk around

[Melissa Villaseñor]
Damn, this party’s off the chain! It’s a 10 PM massage train

[Cecily Strong]
But all the lights must stay on; that’s a rule from Cody’s mom

[Kate McKinnon]
Mikey Mazzerino's got a stolen cigarette
I take a puff so he can see how nasty I can get
Then I call my mom and dad, I tell 'em everything

[Girls]
'Cause if we don’t have our parents' trust, we don’t have anything

[Aidy Bryant]
Grab the cutest boy and steal him away
Close and lock the door, and watch a DVD of our play

What say you, Goody Proctor?

Aidy: You were so good in that scene.
Kyle Mooney: You were, too.
Aidy: Um, what do you wanna do now?
Kyle: I dunno. Maybe we could… go and get some pretzels?
Aidy: Aw, heck yeah, I love pretzels.

At the

[Lin-Manuel Miranda]
Crucible Cast Party
Crucible Cast Party
Everybody comes but nobody nuts at the
Crucible Cast Party

[Girls]
Waah!

[Lin Manuel Miranda]
Yo, I'm senior Cody Shuck, you are all in luck
They call me Mr. Triple Threat cause I can dance, sing, and f**k
That’s why I’m always the lead, the parents all come to see me
I was the Phantom in Phantom and I was Sweeney in Sweeney
And now I’m here to get freaky, so ladies, take off your tops
And come over and get a show shirt outta this box
Your names are listed alphabetically, incredibly legible
And if you were on the crew, then you’re in a parenthetical
I got bitches all around me and they're down on their knees Begging, "Will you sign my poster for my bedroom, please?"
Now here’s a big secret, don’t ask how I know this
But if you sex me right tonight I’ll tell you what the spring show is
I'll lay you on the bed and whisper in your ear
That Mrs. Donahue said we could do RENT this year
I can’t wait for rehearsal, I'mma be in it to win it
We start in 525,600 minutes

[Melissa Villaseñor]
Oh yeah!

[Lin-Manuel Miranda]
At the Crucible Cast Party
Crucible Cast Party
It’s kind of weird that our teacher came to the
Crucible Cast Party
Crucible Cast Party
Crucible Cast Party
Worked up virgins who love to sing

[All]
At the Crucible Cast Party

[Girls]
(vocalizing)
Party, party, oh, yeah

[Cody's Mom]
Enough!

[Lin Manuel Miranda]
Mom!

[Girls]
Crucible Cast Party
Waah!