Tarik – Everything I Am lyrics

People tell me keep my head up it'll be okay
And I just smile because there's nothing left for me to say
Meanwhile I'm really wishing that they'd keep away
Cause no one truly understands the problems I hide deep away
They're playing checkers, my mind is thinking chess moves
I'm tryna' pause time so I can think about my next move
Not only that I'm also thinking 'bout my next two
While also being sidetracked by these pretty girls I'm next to
If she really knew the weight of all my problems
Would she still be staring at me as if she could help me solve em'?
I swear I'm losing it, I'm caught up in my thoughts
It's like they show you how to get through life but still I end up lost
And everything attained in life don't come without a cost
So our emotions pay for every single lesson we are taught
Tryna' keep a smile in the midst of all my pain
Is like tryna' stay dry in the midst of all the rain
I'm hoping I'm the only thing that still remains the same
So my friends won't say I changed in the midst of all the fame
But no one knows what tomorrow holds so whos to say?
So I'm thinking 'bout tomorrow when I lose track of today
Once I make it through this mess, Imma be the one to blame
Cause I did it on my own with little help along the way
This mixtape is my book but I didn't put in every page
Cause I didn't wanna talk about things like H. Are. A.
So I didn't tell ya'll that my family got evicted
Or that I completely ruined my relationship with my sisters
If I could speak to them I'd tell them that I miss em'
And say sorry that I didn't even send a gift on christmas
It's like, I just wonder how I got here
And how I'm 'posed to fly when my whole world drops here
But just when I thought the storm was over...
Some close ones passed away, another burden on my shoulder
It's always ones that you ain't call as much as you was 'posed to
Yet you could find time to text people you ain't close to
Damn, so I'm feeling type ashamed
While half the family's only hoping that the family's getting paid
And things ain't quite merry when you can't afford christmas
Yet people asking me why I'm not smiling in my pictures
If money talks then I'm tryna sit and listen
But if money says it all then my pocket just whispers

Cause even with financial aid I can't afford college
But a bachelor's can't teach you how to get through life's problems
So I ain't even stressing that I can't afford knowledge
It just means I'll find another stage and learn how to rock it
My dreams walk ahead of me, I am just the shadow
Either they are out of reach or I am just a tad slow
I'm a bad performer or my life is just a bad show
Atleast I get this weekly child support from my dad though
How come, life don't listen when I ask first?
And even when I drive slow, I can't avoid them fast girls?
I was voted class clown and class nerd
I hope my songs are good enough for fans to hear the last verse
Pictures in my mind but I can't really describe them
Pills that I could take but the doctor didn't prescribe them
Problems tend to find me so I'm just tryna' hide them
My dreams try to log out so I keep my focus signed in
Music is my life and every bar is a tear
I just hope the bass bumps loud enough to silence all my fears
I've been through hell and back and only lived 20 years
I've got 80 more left so that explains why I'm scared
My life is a movie but I wish I had two takes
So I could film from scratch with a new life and a new name
It's like, I just need to find a new place
Where roaches don't walk by me as if they were freaking roomates
I set up dates with girls that I eventually postpone
Cause I either got no money or I'm running out of clothes
So now she disappointed or she's crying back at home
But little does she know that I've been crying all along
And I should tell the truth because I know she'd understand
But it hurts to say I'm broke so I pretend that I got plans
But I'm just home hoping that she'll find a better man
That can take her out to dinner and put diamonds on her hand
Everybody got problems, why complain about mine?
I'll just put them in a song and then I'll make it all rhyme
I'm trying not to rush cause I know things come in time
I'm just waiting for the whole world to be mine
When you try hard, you die hard, yea I hear you yeezy
But I'm going hard regardless 'cause since when is dying easy
So tell me do ya'll feel me?
Nah, ya'll can't hear me...