Ninja Sex Party – Romance Novel lyrics

[Danny] A lot of people don't know this but I, Danny Sexbang, have been quietly working on the sexiest romance novel ever for the past sixteen years. I would like to share a taste of it with you now. Please enjoy this excerpt from my deeply sensual tale: "Claudia Goes to Schlongtown: Part 6 - The Erectening". Ninja Brian, would you?

[Slow piano music]

"I love penis!" Claudia said to Jeff, seductively caressing both of her yamyams
"Allow me to get you some from the kitchen." Jeff said with a twinkle in his eye
"No, not peanuts Jeff! Those aren't the nuts I'm interested in." She grabbed him on the penis-iest part of his body
"But a peanut isn't a nut," Jeff mansplained. "It's a legume."

[Piano music crashes to a halt]

[Danny] Woah Brian, what's the problem?
[Brian] Silence
[Danny] What do you mean it's not romantic? I'm an amazing lover and I've lived through this exact scenario hundreds of times!

[Slow piano music continues]

"I feel like we're getting off-topic Jeff" Claudia said. "But now that you mention it, I could go for a peanut butter sandwich."
"Penis butter? I don't think I have any of that." Jeff groaned, hornily

[Piano music crashes to a halt again]

[Danny] Eat dicks Brian! This is romantic as fuck! Do not throw that piano at me again...
[Brian] Silence
[Danny] Fine! I'll cut ahead to the end of the chapter...

[Slow piano music continues]

Claudia and Jeff lay naked in the penis butter tub, on top of the Empire State Building, their bodies entwined like two sexlampreys
"Should we invite Ninja Brian over?" Claudia asked
"No!" Jeff yelled. "Ninja Brian sucks and his face is lame and he's stupid and his dick is so small that-"

[Sound of an object being thrown]

[Danny] Not the piano!

[Sound of a piano smashing into the ground]

[Danny] Ughh... my peanuts...