This girl's either blind
Or completely deranged
Ah, but time seemed to halt
When I was, "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
Childhood dreams for me were cracked
When that damn Shirley Temple
Stole my frickin' act
But the crown's in the vault
From when I won, "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their cups, but I screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Not a chance
'Cause I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting high C's
And preparing souffles
But that triple somersault
Was how I clinched, "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
Proceed
Are you scared we're on live?
No, I'm sure I can cope
Well, this show isn't broadcast in
Cinemascope
I never drank one chocolate malt
No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
How many sweaters do you own?
Well, I'm sure I've got plenty
Let's see, I have three, five
Wait, I have twenty
I would say "Oy Gevalt"
If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
A tycoon I wed
So cuddly and funny
The old fart dropped dead
But left tons of money
So I bought this station
So all of the nation
Could see
Baby amber and me
Do you dance like you dress?
Amber, there's no need to be cruel
Would you swim in an integrated pool?
I sure would, I'm all for integration,
It's the new frontier
Not in Baltimore it isn't
And may I be frank
First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you, I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it
And so, my dear, so short and stout
You'll never be in
So we're kicking you out
You can't get past me kid
But it isn't your fault
It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore
Crabs
You may go
Um, thank you?
Gee Tracy, that went well
(Lil' Inez runs on)
Hello, ma'am, may I please
Audition?
No, but you can bow and exalt
'Cause I was "Miss Baltimore
Crabs, crabs, crabs
Oh my God, how times have changed This girl's either blind Or completely deranged Ah, but time seemed to halt When I was, "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Childhood dreams for me were cracked When that damn Shirley Temple Stole my frickin' act But the crown's in the vault From when I won, "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Those poor runner-ups Might still hold some grudges They padded their cups, but I screwed the judges Those broads thought they'd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Not a chance 'Cause I hit the stage Batons ablaze While belting high C's And preparing souffles But that triple somersault Was how I clinched, "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Proceed Are you scared we're on live? No, I'm sure I can cope Well, this show isn't broadcast in Cinemascope I never drank one chocolate malt No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs" How many sweaters do you own? Well, I'm sure I've got plenty Let's see, I have three, five Wait, I have twenty I would say "Oy Gevalt" If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs" A tycoon I wed So cuddly and funny The old fart dropped dead But left tons of money So I bought this station So all of the nation Could see Baby amber and me Do you dance like you dress? Amber, there's no need to be cruel Would you swim in an integrated pool? I sure would, I'm all for integration, It's the new frontier Not in Baltimore it isn't And may I be frank First impressions can be tough And when I saw you, I knew it If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it And so, my dear, so short and stout You'll never be in So we're kicking you out You can't get past me kid But it isn't your fault It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore Crabs You may go Um, thank you? Gee Tracy, that went well (Lil' Inez runs on) Hello, ma'am, may I please Audition? No, but you can bow and exalt 'Cause I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs, crabs, crabs Explain Request ×
Lyrics taken from
/lyrics/m/michelle_pfeiffer/the_legend_of_miss_baltimore_crabs.html
