Automatic Loveletter – Make-Up Smeared Eyes lyrics

He and her boy friend had a fight he left her, she misses him and feels really down, she felt more for him then he did for her. The only way shes staying "calm" is cos they never had anything deeper than making out, nothing that meant anything.
She says she can't stay because of all the memories, every hateful word that was said in that argument.
She tries to get rid of her memories of him, buy washing his tshirt, removing him for pictures. But she wont let him see that shes cried. She doesn't want to seem weak. But she is weak she was driven to self harm, she talks about it at the end and near the middle when she says And if every hole makes a scar "And every scar marks it's place,Then I will never live freely without your trace" and the whole bandage is broken bit, she then relises he wasnt worth it, when she says he "wasnt worth the sting"
I love Automatic Loveletter, and I feel very strongly about the lyrics so I'm sorry about the depth.

I am aware that this is not the intended meaning of the song however this is an alternative meaning. Rather than a break up, I have theorized that it could actually be about a transitioning transgender. I assumed female to male but it could go either way. Allow me to explain and break it down by verse.

First verse: the t shirt they are referring to is a feminine tshirt left behind by the girl they used to be which reminds them of her (hence still smells of you). And the smashed picture is symbolizing the loss of the picture perfect little girl they once lived life as who is now "nothing left but a memory". This person only ever "made out" with the idea of being female, meaning they didn't truly feel connected to that identity, they simply went along with it because they were supposed to, they never "kissed" and lingered and connected properly. But they went with it and didn't question it therefore holding back all feeling.

Chorus: this part is essentially a conversation between the female and male. Questioning if it's worth the risk of coming out and transitioning for one reason or another. This is an argument that they have constantly. They will hid their make up smeared eyes to show they tried to live as a female but couldn't bare to not be themselves.

Verse 2: this problem is bothering them and gotten under their skin. They will always have parts of the female they used to be and can never escape that feeling, they did everything they could to accept being female but they couldn't do that and feel betrayed by themselves for not being able to and they are resentful towards their female side. But they plan to forget that part of them and "wash their tshirt" to reassign it to a more masculine connotation.

Bridge: this problem has been one of the biggest things in their life, they cried a lot, only they know everything they went through. The bandage is broken and the cut is left open they came out and started to transition and there's no going back now. But they don't know if all the trouble was worth it, maybe they weren't accepted or another problem arose, or maybe it actually ended up being very easy to transition so they're saying it wasn't worth all the inner turmoil.

In addition, the use of the back and forth if "I" and "you" could be referring to their current self as well as their former self. Again, I know this probably isn't the intended interpretation and maybe I'm way off the mark but I thought it was an interesting alternative view of the song.

This reminds me of the last guy I was that broke my heart 3 months ago on dec. 28. I fell for him extremely hard, like I can honestly I loved him and I still do. But he would never fully let me in, he let me in as much as he could but for some reason he could just never let his guard all the way down. Then he got his dream job and had moved away, and we talked about staying together and making it work after he left. Then on the night we were supposed to see each other for the last time he tells he doesn't like to say goodbye and it would be too hard after he left. He then goes on to tell me that he had all the same feelings for me that I had for him. And that was last time I talked to him. But this song reminds me of that situation that happened with me that I'm still dealing with.