Epic Beard Men – You Can't Win (2013) lyrics

(Hey!)
Can they win?
(Hey!)
Nah, they can't win
(Hey!)
Let me, let's tell you again
(Hey!)
Epic Beard Men!

Get mentally fit for that celestial fist bump
Roll with emcees who spit '70s Brit-Punk
Enemies get jumped, penalty stiff as fuck
Stuff a flaccid penis in your pistol pump
"Pump it up, homeboy, just don't stop!"
Some boys in blue are cool, but I trust no cops
Are they civilised, militarised, or just robots?
We've widened the divide between the knows and the know-nots
Stay straight-faced or go pop some molly
But there ain't no party like a Botox party
I'm so hot tamale, so chilly chill today
You don't want your mommy to know what I really-really say
What if you learned what I learned? I learned from her
Smoked too close to the bush and I burned my fur
I know the fables, you failed a course in physics
I don't understand shit unless, of course, I lived it


So let me live, Mama!
Let me live, let me live, let me live, Mama!
Let me live, let me live, let me live, Mama!

As a hip-hopper without the stigma or stigmata
Save your earnings if you're fortunate to have some, sucker
They say they're fans but they never brought an album from ya
That's all good and well, well, that's all well and good
Legacies are never set in stone when you're selling wood
What you think all this Axe is for?
You don't wanna bring these hungry lumberjacks to war
When we yell 'Timber!' take cover
Or start singing R 'n' B, motherfucker

(Hey!)
Can they win?
(Hey!)
Nah, they can't win
(Hey!)
Let me, let's tell you again
(Hey!)
Epic Beard Men
(Hey!)
Can they win?
(Hey!)
Nah, they can't win
(Hey!)
Let me, let's tell you again
(Hey!)
Epic Beard Men


Crawl out of the water with the skin of a shark
Stomp on a sandcastle and murder the life-guard
All my God-damn life had my hand around a mic
So whatever you could like, we already said it twice (twice)
Epic Beard Men, with some lather and a blade
Fuck battling, I'd rather take a layer off your face
You lost, you off course, you rattled the wrong cage
I was made into a monster courtesy of a Sage
I was born for bad luck, Daddy drove a Mack truck
Ran with rat-fuck kids who just trashed stuff
Oh you mad, huh? Then go and take a number
Or take a vacation while I work through the summer
It's Dolan, motherfucker! Run your fingers through the jungle
It's more than just the stubble, too pretty to be this humble
I'm picky with the drum-loop, sickly with the one-two
God forbid you miss us in your city when we come through
Nah we ain't related, we just share the same mothers
So when the customs agents ask us if we're brothers we say:

'Listen to me, baby'
Listen!
'You just can't win'
'Places you are trying to go, I've already been
I've been there'
One-sided ? ('I've been there')
Puff Daddy's apartment ('I've been there')
Fort Thunder ('I've been there')
Evel Knievel's tombstone ('I've been there')
Blue Lagoon ('I've been there')
Omaha, Nebraska ('I've been there')
Crystal Cave ('I've been there')
Sligo, Ireland ('I've been there')
Redland State School ('I've been there')
Eugene, Oregon ('I've been there')
Beverly Laurel ('I've been there')
Hot Springs, Colorado ('I've been there')
North Attleboro Jail ('I've been there')
A hospital in Switzerland ('I've been there')
Beavertail ('I've been there')
? (I've been there)
Patriots Diner ('I've been there')
Slovakia ('I've been there')
Slovenia ('I've been there')
The Crazy Donkey ('I've been there')
Dan Le Sac's apartment ('I've been there')