Ugh. Maybe a meaning of Sartre's Nausea. Half one's life unjustly prisoned, half one's life drunk, a pessimistic outlook, abject poverty, and the truth of human nature, in all it's ugliness, that leads to people using each other as cheap s** objects, leaving people wondering if their partner has been true to them, with the sadness of denial and maybe the shattering of the only thing holding a sad life together.