This is exactly whats going on with me and a guy I was seeing that I had been friends with for years. We have been hanging out alot (and sleeping together lol) and the agreement at the beginning was it was just going to be all for fun. Then I decided I wanted more. But he said he didn't know. I let it go for a few more weeks then brought it up again. He still said no. I told him that would be the last night we spent together which reminds me of the line "I held onto you for as long as i could but today you fell away". I let him go Then the part that ways "this was my mistake". I was the one who believed it could be more so it was my mistake for believeing that. "I self medicated myself through this mess so I could stay"--- I drank more with this guy than I probably ever have which helped me believe it was ok to stick around. The line that says "i slide from paranoid to paradise". I was always worried it was going to end but now I ended it and it feels so much better not having that feeling of hoping he will change his mind.