Simon Armitage – CV lyrics

Started, textiles, night shift,
no wheels, bussed it,
bus missed, thumbed it,
in my office sunbeam, fluffed it.

Shoe-shine, gofer, caddie,
bellboy, three bags full sir,
busker, juggler, bookie’s runner,
move along there.

Sweatshop, mop and bucket,
given brush, shop floor,
slipped up, clocked in
half-stoned, shown door.

Backwoodsman number, joiner,
timber, lumber, trouble,
axe fell, sacked for prank,
with spirit-level bubble.

Sales rep, basic training,
car, own boss, P.A.,
commission, targets,
stuff that, cards same day.

Grant, small hours, square eyes,
half-arse O.U. student;
painting job, Forth Bridge
but made redundant.

Understudy, back legs panto horse,
put down, not suited;
broke in Doctor Martens
for police force, elbowed, booted.

Big break: trap shut, kickback,
fall guy, front man,
verbal contract, public admin,
quango stunt man,

collar felt, fair cop, threw hands in,
covered tracks up,
mea culpa, coughed, took flak
for every lash up,

shredded trash, dug out top brass,
ate crap, digested orders,
sat on facts, last post
took rap for P.M.’s body odour;

rested, sick note,
self-certificated heart attack
but fit now, comeback,
job plan, welcome mat,

or out to grass, find door to lay me at.