Stephen Lynch – History Lesson lyrics

Stephen:
I have to redo the vocals for Medieval Bush.
Friends:
Why?
Stephen:
Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff and the medieval period ended at the beginning of the 16th century.
Friends:
Wait! So how do you know this?
Stephen:
Cause I used to be a teacher.
Friends:
(Laugh)You used to be a teacher?
Stephen:
Yes
Friend:
Professor?
Stephen:
No, I taught elementary school and I got fired for I had an unorthodox way of teaching. In which I would bring my guitar in and sing the lessons to the kids.
Friend:
Of course you did.
Stephen:
Okay, okay let me find a lesson for you... Ben Franklin
"Ben Franklin went out one night,
Tied a key to the end of a kite,
Electricity struck so bright,
Write it down muthafuckas"
Friends:
You called the kids motherfuckers?
Stephen:
Some of them were motherfuckers yes.
Friends:
Science
Stephen:
Um...
"Issac Newton sat under a tree,
An apple hit him in the head so he,
Said holy shit that's gravity,
So write it down muthafuckas"
I have a million of theses.
Friends:
Pilgrims
Stephen:
Okay... Hey...
"Pilgrims raced against the clock,
Lookin for a place to dock,
They said fuck it here's Plymouth Rock,
Write it down muthafuckas. "
Friends:
I don't like the fact that you are implying that the pilgrims were lazy.
Stephen:
I'm not implying anything.
Friend:
Wright Brothers
Stephen:
Uh...
"A dude named Orville Wright,
Told his brother lets invinflight,
So Wilbur said "ight",
Write it down muthafuckas"
Yes, he said "ight"
Friend:
Wilbur said "ight"?
Stephen:
In my story he did.
Friend:
Wilbur was street in your story?
Stephen:
Yes
Friend:
Word
Stephen:
See, you can't stump me
Friend:
Slavery?
Stephen:
Uh there is nothing funny about slavery... Well...
"Abe Lincoln lead the nation,
Freed slaves form the plantations,
Inmansa-muthafucka-proclamation,
Write it down anaem-ops. "
Friend:
Gandhi!
Stephen:
Uh... I did not have one for him. Uh... Hold on, hold on. Gandhi... Uh... Alright.
(Slowly) "Gandhi is what you said,
An Indian with a bald head,
He was a bit under fed,
Write is down muthafuckas! "
Fried from that job!
Friend:
Your a genius.