Amanda Palmer – Dear Daily Mail lyrics

Written after the Daily Mail "reviewed" her performance at the Glastonbury Festival in 2013. The rather right-wing British tabloid ignored the details of the songs that were performed, made no mention that Amanda is actually rather good at what she does (singing, songwriting and performing) and instead chose to drool over the fact a wardrobe malfunction briefly exposed her left breast. The paper, usually a high-minded defender of British morality, emphasised this with copious photos of the bared breast in question. Amanda wrote this song in reply. At one point during performance, she deliberately dropped her kimono and continued performing while naked, daring any hacks present to take photos.

Dear Daily Mail,
It has come to my recent attention
That my recent appearance at Glastonbury festivals kindly received a mention
I was doing a number of things on that stage up to and including singing songs (like you do…),
But you chose to ignore that and instead you published a feature review of my boob!

Dear Daily Mail,
There’s a thing called a search engine: use it!
If you’d googled my tits in advance, you’d have found that your photos are hardly exclusive
In addition you state that my breast had escaped from my bra like a thief on the run,
You do you know that it wasn’t attempting to just take in the RARE British sun?

Dear Daily Mail,
It’s so sad what you tabloids are doing,
Your focus on debasing women’s appearances ruins our species of humans,
But a rag is a rag and far be it from me to go censoring anyone - OH NO
It appears that my entire body is currently trying to escape this kimono….

Dear Daily Mail,
You misogynist pile of twats,
I’m tired of these baby bumps, vadge flashes, muffintops,
Where are the newsworthy COCKS?
If Iggy or Jagger or Jowie go topless the news barely causes a ripple...
Blah blah blah feminist blah blah blah gender shit blah blah blah
OH MY GOD! NIPPLE!

Dear Daily Mail,
You will never write about this night,
I know that because I’ve addressed you directly, I’ve made myself no fun to fight;
But thanks to the internet, people all over the world can enjoy this discourse,
And commune with a roomful of people in London who aren’t drinking kool-aid like yours!

And though there be millions of people who’ll accept the cultural bar where you have it at,
There are plenty of others who’re perfectly willing to see breasts in their natural habitat!

I keenly anticipate your highly literate coverage of upcoming tours